THE MOSQUITO. Considered by some authorities as the most dangerous animal on Earth. Considered by me as the most pointless animal on Earth. Considered by my Greek man as the Spawn of Satan.
When I was younger, my sweet baby blood drove mosquitoes wild – Greek mosquitoes in particular. Known as “κουνούπι“, “konoupi“, these demons would bypass all the other children in my Grandparents village and make a beeline for my succulent flesh. At any one time I would be covered in up to forty bites, some fresh, some old, some on top of each other.
My Yiayia would light special citronella candles in an attempt to keep the devils at bay but somehow they always found me.
Over the years I waged a long and bloody battle against the Greek Konoupi. I used every repellent spray going and used to douse myself in vinegar after reading that it worked as a natural repellent. Needless to say I repelled everyone else as well.
As I have grown older, and my blood has turned increasingly bitter, the war seems to have finally come to an end and the dreaded Konoupi keep their distance. I liberally apply Extra Strength Jungle Formula Repellent each night and any mosquito that does manage to break through is hunted down and killed with immediate effect, while the swollen area is soothed with special cream and covered in white toothpaste (works a treat!).
On a recent trip to Cyprus, a plague of rebel Konoupi descended upon us, but I was prepared and was only bitten once – albeit rather viciously I might add. My Greek man was not so lucky.
Clearly attracted to the sweet aroma of his Creed aftershave, one afternoon he was attacked from all sides while hosing down the garden area.
No amount of creams or toothpaste could console him and he endured several sleepless nights scratching and slapping all the little red blobs until exhaustion set in.
Mosquitoes emit a very quiet low buzzing sound and so sensitive is my hearing, that if one of the little buggers is in the room I leap out of the bed, smack on the light and hunt them down. One night our room looked like a scene from The Shining, after I went on one of my killing rampages and squished so many Konoupi that our whitewashed walls were covered in smudges of blood.
My husband became so fearful, that any slight bit of flying dust that wafted by resembling a mosquito was swatted immediately and he refused to enter any room without a plus-size can of Raid Insect Killer in each hand.
Never in all my trips to Greece or Cyprus have I inhaled so much killer bug spray. In fact I am quite sure that the extra strength repellent formula has contaminated my bloodstream and I am now a walking, breathing Konoupi Killer.
Forget RAID, there’s a new weapon in town:
EKATERINA: KILLS BUGS DEAD.
- Mosquito bites..never a good time for anyone! (thingsmothernevertoldyou.com)