Let’s smash some plates and break out the ouzo – I have now reached my 100th post!
Seeing as my 50th post was a lecture on how to make a Greek man happy, I thought I would continue the theme and enlighten you all with some important facts about Greek men in general. Then you can go back and read the 50th post to decide if you still want to make them happy.
A Greek man is a complex creature full of contradictions, hyperboles and oxymorons. (Note the word “Oxy” before “moron”. I am not suggesting that your Greek man is a moron. Although you might). As such it is imperative that you are fully aware of what is in store.
Primary important facts about Greek men:
- Their mother is number one.
- Their father is number two.
- Their sibling(s) are number three.
- Their cousins, uncles and aunts are number four.
- Their pet(s) are number five.
- Their village community is number six.
- Their car is number seven.
- You do not have a number – your opinion is not valid.
Secondary important facts about Greek men:
- They are hairy – personally, I have always been of the opinion that a woman should NEVER be hairier than her partner, therefore my two options were to marry a Greek man or an ape.
- They are arrogant and hot-tempered – a Greek man is unlikely to back down in an argument, even if they are discussing a topic as alien to them as a woman’s menstrual cycle.
- Following on from the previous point – a Greek man knows EVERYTHING. He is NEVER wrong.
- Despite being omniscient, they are incapable of making decisions and must seek answers from everyone other than you.
- They can turn the tiniest problem into a huge Greek tragedy and will blame everyone else except for themselves.
- They are hypochondriacs. “Hypochondria” originates from the Greek language. Along with “epidemic”, and “pandemic”. Obviously.
- They carry at least one of the following items wherever they go: worry beads (also known as komboloi – a string of beads designed for incessant twirling); a knife (in case they chance upon food produce that needs to be sliced); a toothpick (to remove the food produce from their teeth); a mirror (to aid the use of the toothpick); a picture of their car (to show off their manly status).
- They are exceptionally fussy to the point of OCD – particularly when it comes to their car.
- They have no understanding of Time, even though they wear the flashiest watch you have ever seen.
- Their definition of DIY is “Do It next Year” (or not at all).
- As far as a Greek man is concerned, romance is as dead as Alexander the Great.
Political correctness has failed to reach the shores of the Mediterranean, and as such Greek men are still fairly primitive in their ways and thinking.
Most treat women like fresh meat out of the boat; they appear starved of female companionship and a woman (particularly a foreign stranger from outside of Greece) is like a beautiful siren calling them to their deaths. Initially they will treat you like a goddess, but this burst of wild untamed passion will soon slide into apathy and misogynistic expectations.
Greek men tend to sway from wonderful, cultured, caring, handsome, intelligent beings to aggressive, phallocratic, arrogant, ignorant fools who believe that their word and their mother’s word is law.
Of course there are a few positive points about Greek men. (Only a few mind you).
- For one, a Greek man will always need you – without a woman to turn to he is like a lamb among wolves.
- You will never be cold – his hairy chest is all the rug you need.
- In general, Greek men are very family orientated – just don’t ask them to change any nappies, take the children to school, remember the children’s’ names, help with homework, have any idea what subjects the children are studying, or have the dinner ready.
- A Greek man will always protect you – like a great big silver-back gorilla that will fight to the death to protect its kin.
A Greek man is like a puzzle just waiting to be solved. You have to know exactly what you are dealing with before you attempt to slot the pieces together. And if you are successful in solving the puzzle, you deserve a GREAT BIG GOLD MEDAL and a lifetime’s supply of Baklava!
You have been warned. Opa!